Sunday, June 20, 2010

Happy Father's Day!

The Scary Scoop would like to say "You Rock!" to all those great Dads out there. In honor of Father's Day we have compiled a list of a few of the not so great male role models brought to us by Hollywood. After all, you cannot gauge perfection without first knowing just how bad it can get. Here are the six guys you don't want to call Pops.

6. Darth Vader
Kids: Luke Skywalker and Leia Organa


Vader became the Daddy of a set of twins back when he was still that whiny Anakin Skywalker. He sets out first to kill his own son, then decides to try and sway him to the dark side instead. He cuts off Luke's hand to teach him a lesson. Nothing like corporal punishment to set a kid on the straight and narrow. Or would that be the curvy and wide since Vader was a villain? Luke declines the offer like the hero that he is. Vader then decides to move on to his daughter after he discovers her existence from Luke. You know, cause women are easier to turn and already mostly evil. Yeah...
In the final moments of the movie Vader proves he still ain't all bad. He might not be the worst dad in the galaxy but I think Luke might and his missing hand might not feel like making him a card.

5. Max
Kids: The Lost Boys

Max is the single father of a large brood. His boys like to sleep all day and party all night. By party I mean torment and drain the blood from the living. It isn't easy trying to keep so that many kids in line. They really need a mother's touch. Lucy is his perfect candidate with two boys of her own. Kind of like the bloodsucking Brady bunch. Wait, isn't that a line form the movie? Lucy's oldest boy is already half way to vamp ville. It would be a simple matter of turning the other one. Or killing him. Whichever is quicker.

4. Jack Torrance
Kids: Danny Torrance

Jack has a problem. He hears hotels talking. The Overlook Hotel is not happy until a little blood gets spilled. Jack says " No problem, I have a wife and a kid. A twofer!" Instead of writing his book, which is why he hauled his family up to this godforsaken crap hole in the first place, he just keeps writing "all work and no play..." I think you know what he was writing. His wife has the audacity to try and read his work before publication so he has to teach her a lesson. I think an axe will really get his message across that he has had it with their shenanigans.

3. Jerry Blake
Kids: Not perfect enough to mention

Jerry is the perfect father. Too bad he can never find the family he deserves. As hard as he tries they never get it right. It is his duty as man of the house to show them the errors of their ways. What kind of father would he be if he let them life after that horrible display of behavior?

2. Leland Palmer aka BOB
Kids: Laura Palmer


Leland likes to let BOB take over for him when it is time to fillet the local teenage girls. His own daughter included after she refuses to have sex with him. She was ungrateful and just didn't want Dad to have any fun. What kind of good daughter acts like that? That's why she had to go.

1. Daddy
Kids: Alice, Roach, and those others in the basement.

Daddy is not the head of this house. That honor belongs to his wife/sister Mommy. He is her pit bull that she sics on the kids when they do not show proper respect. Junior spoke evil? Cut out his tongue. He saw evil? Out come the eyes. Bad little monkeys loose evil appendages. Daddy can be pushed too far. Then it is time to done his S&M body suit and go hunting, huge gun in hand.

Thursday, June 17, 2010

Tremors (1990)

4 out of 5

In the extremely small town of Perfection, Nevada handymen Valentine McKee and Earl Bassett earn a living doing any job they can find. Finally fed up with their way of life the men pack it up and head out of town a day too late. They make a valiant effort to escape but are forced back to town each time. I am not sure if this was meant to be a serious film or not. How serious can a movie be that features giant worm things as the antigonist? Part of what makes it so great is the sarcasm and sheer absurdity of the situation. Kevin Bacon delivers some of the best lines in the movie. The relationship between his character Val and Fred Ward's Earl reminds me of Abbot and Costello. The residents of this town are not people you want to be in a crisis with. All of them in a tie to voted "Most likely to be used as monster bait."

The cast is filled with recognizable faces, as long as you were born in the 1980’s or earlier. Michael Gross from Family Ties , Country singer Reba McEntire in her debut film role, that little girl from Jurassic Park, and many more that will make you say, “Hey, that is what’s his/her name! I wonder where they are now?” When you sit down to watch Tremors you will get to relax. No complicated plot. No insomnia caused by the heart palpitations you suffered during the film. Just an enjoyable romp through the desert with hungry worms bent on your digestion.

Trivia

Michael Gross who played Burt Gummer began filming one day after shooting the last episode of "Family Ties" (1982)

S.S. Wilson said that he got the idea for the film while he was working for the US Navy in the California desert. While resting on a rock, he imagined what it might be like if something underground kept him from getting off the rock.

Quotes

Earl Bassett: No way those things can outrun these horses!
Valentine McKee: Yeah, well, for all you know, they can fly.

Earl Bassett: What kind of fuse is that?
Burt Gummer: Cannon fuse
Earl Bassett: What the hell do you use it for?
Burt Gummer: My cannon!

-Evil Lyn

Wednesday, June 16, 2010

Top Ten Homicidal Animals

Horror movies are frightening enough when man is pitted against vampires, zombies and hockey-masked serial killers, but when Mother Nature's own children of the animal kingdom become the predator, that adds a little more spook to the spookiness. I've compiled for you a list of my Top Ten Terrifying Animals as seen throughout my favorite genre - horror: where anything can be scary...even a fly!


10. The Fly (1986)
"I'll hurt you if you stay."

Flies can be annoying and bothersome on any given day, but when crossed with human DNA, they are downright terrifying! David Cronenberg's remake of The Fly starring Jeff Goldblum is one of the most unsettling creature features ever! From vomiting acid to losing fingernails to skin slippage, Dr. Seth Brundle (Goldblum) mutates onto a human-sized fly in a lab-experiment-gone-wrong. The most terrifying scene, however, takes place at the very end when Brundle's girlfriend gives birth to...something. Ick!

9. Monkey Shines (1988)
"He had his little demon do it for him!"

Monkeys are supposed to be cute and funny, right? Tell that to Ella, the helper monkey who can sense the rage and hate of her quadriplegic owner and acts out her master's evil intentions. Ella is quite the helper when it comes to evil deeds...and what an alibi!! No one would blame murder on a cute little monkey!

8. Pet Semetary (1989)
"Sometimes dead is better."

One of Stephen King's better creations, Pet Semetary centers around an Indian burial ground in which the dead become undead after being buried in the 'sour' ground. Of course, these resurrected beings don't return from the grave in quite the same way as they were before they went into it. Take Winston Churchill, or Church, the family's loving house cat. After being killed on a high-traffic road, the patriarch of the family buries Church in the burial ground. The next morning, Church shows up for breakfast having woke up on the wrong side of the shallow grave. His eyes glow; his purring is more of a vicious growl; and he smells like something died (mainly, himself). Though the evil Church doesn't lash out and kill anyone, save a rather large rat, he does offer frequent moments of potential cardiac arrest.

7. Resident Evil (2002)
"We are gonna die down here."

Doberman pinchers can be scary, in general, but zombie dobermans 'up' the scare factor. Based on the popular video game about a virus outbreak that turns living things into undead flesh-eating zombies, Resident Evil makes a terrifying dog even more so by turning them into bleeding, salivating zombie dogs having super speed and super strength. Oh, and they won't just bite you and turn you into a zombie too...they'll devour you alive. Good dog.

6. Primeval (2007)
"You're after a man-eater."

What's more terrifying than a crocodile? A 25 foot crocodile! Based on a true story, Primeval takes place in Africa where a group of scientists and photographers are searching for a legendary, homicidal crocodile. They find it...or rather, it finds them. Just the fact that this movie is based on a true story is enough to put this savage animal on the countdown!

5. Ginger Snaps (2000)
"...Wish these were babies' legs."

Ginger Snaps is the Canadian coming-of-age story of a young girl (Ginger) who finally gets 'the curse.' No, not that curse - the werewolf curse! After being bitten by a wolf, Ginger begins to change. She develops a taste for blood; she grows a little more hair in a few more places; her sexual conquests become more violent, often ending in bloodshed. As her sister Brigitte tries to help her, Ginger loses more and more of the young innocent girl she once was in favor of the blood-thirsty, pet-killing wolf she's become. Werewolves are scary anyway, buts hormonal, sexed-up, teen aged werewolfette is something to definitely avoid!

4. Arachnophobia (1990)
"Honey, we're in the living room. We need you to kill a spider."

Mutant, poisonous spiders. Millions of them. One bite, you're dead. 'Nuff said. I shudder to think about it!!

3. Cujo (1983)
"Oh my God...you're rabid!"

See Cujo...a big, lovable St. Bernard. See Cujo run. See Cujo go into a scary cave. See Cujo get bitten by a bat. See Cujo go on a kill-crazy, rabid rampage. This is another one of Stephen King's great novels optioned into a great horror movie. Cujo's transformation from happy to homicidal is a great one as the story shows an endearing family pet become a murderous beast as the result of one bite from a rabid bat. The ending scenes are particularly terrifying as Cujo traps his own family in a car, fully prepared to rip them limb from limb. Scary.

2. Jaws (1975)
"You're gonna need a bigger boat."

A man-eating great white shark terrorizes a small island in this Steven Spielberg film. The movie is loosely based on a true incident which happened in fresh water rivers inland, but a Great White wasn't the culprit. The beauty of Jaws is that you don't see the shark for more than half of the movie, thereby building up the suspense of finally seeing the killer. Great cast, great screenplay, great mechanical shark! I'm still slightly afraid to go into the water.

1. The Birds (1963)
"It's the end of the world."

Flocks of seagulls - not the 80's band - take over an island town, pecking at people's faces, trapping them indoors and attacking anything that moves. The most puzzling (and frightening) aspect of this flick is that there's no reasoning behind the attacks. There's no logical or scientific explanation! Even Jaws attacked out of instinct. The birds just decided one day to launch a coup on the human population. I ultimately chose The Birds over Jaws for one major reason: Jaws wasn't a threat on land, only in the water. Birds are a threat everywhere! And, face it, they're kind of creepy with their small, soulless eyes and sharp beaks!! And, birds have that mob mentality; you're not attacked by one at a time...they take you out as a group! Just ask Melanie (played by the incomparable Tippi Hedren) who became bird seed when trapped in a room with the feathered fiends!

- Sue A. Cide

Getting to know Sue A. Cide

TheScaryScoop: What is the first horror movie that truly affected you?
SueA.Cide: I remember seeing Pet Semetary at a slumber party when I was 10 or 11 and it traumatized me! That's the movie that made me afraid of cute little toddlers who 'wanted to play.' Seriously! I stayed away from babysitting for that reason!

TSS: So, you're afraid of children?
SA.C: Children in horror movies are a special kind of scary. Whether they're doing the killing or being killed, it all has to do with innocence lost. In 'real life,' children don't scare me...unless they have a scalpel or sharp object pointed at me. But, that's pretty rare.

TSS: What is your all-time favorite horror movie?
SA.C: That's tough. There are so many! Most of my favorites are French though! I loved High Tension and could watch it over and over again. Inside was brilliant even though a lot of people thought it was too violent. Martyrs was amazing; so was Them. I'm all about French horror! More blood, more violence.

TSS: Is there any horror movie you absolutely hated or were disappointed in?
SA.C: Actually, I was disappointed by Hostel. I expected more violence and more torture. I don't hate it. I've watched it several times. It just wasn't what I was expecting. I prefer the second one actually. The Elizabeth Bathory blood bath scene is kind of hot.

TSS: What horror film have you most recently watched?
SA.C: I watched a Thai film called Dorm. It was a not-so-scary ghost story, but it was still a really good movie. I subscribe to Netflix just so I can watch indie and foreign horror films. I'm a junkie.

TSS: It's rare for many females to like horror movies. To whom do you credit your love of horror?
SA.C: My mom, definitely. I remember growing up and watching Friday the 13th with her when I was under the age of 8. I've always loved horror...for as long as I can remember!

TSS: How do you feel about all the recent horror remakes?
SA.C: Ugh...don't get me started! It's ridiculous! Some of the movies being remade are classics! I hated the Halloween remake! Hated it! I hear there's a remake of The Birds coming...Hellraiser, The Orphanage, Martyrs... All being remade or Americanized! It's so sad. Where's all the originality and creativity?! It's a sad commentary, that's for sure.

TSS: Is there any upcoming horror movie you're anxious to see?
SA.C: I'm stoked about the next installment of Silent Hill. It will either be a prequel or a sequel. The Last Exorcism looks good and, as is tradition, I'm looking forward to Saw 7 3-D. It's been my Halloween tradition for the last 6 years!

Tuesday, June 15, 2010

Top 10 Creepy Kids in a Horror Movie

10. Henry
"Hey Mark, don't f*ck with me."


Movie: The Good Son
The little boy who looked so nice was so evil. Henry was a master manipulator who had his parents fooled. He murdered his baby brother over a bath toy. Killed the dog for a thrill. Who knows how many birds and squirrels are buried under his clubhouse.

9. Joshua
"No one will ever love you."


Movie: Joshua
The child prodigy who really wanted to be an only child. The arrival of a little sister puts a kink in his reality. Like pieces on a chess board Joshua moves the adults in his life around to create the family he always dreamed of.

8. Gage
"Sometimes dead is better."

Movie: Pet Semetary

Indian burial ground turns adorable tyke into scalpel wielding slasher. The old man next door gets his throat ripped out. Mom gets a hug and a knife through the eye. One kid that really needs a time out.

7. Carol Ann

"They're here."

Movie: Poltergeist

It is not Carol Ann's fault that she could hear the TV people in the static. It is not her fault her house was built over a cemetery. Or that the cemetery was built over a cavern where a Utopian cult died. Rev. Kane's special girl is seriously creepy even if she doesn't do it intentionally.

6. The Grady Twins

"Come play with us, Danny."

Movie: the shining

Poor little girls got hacked up by Daddy because the hotel told him to do it. Now they roam the halls looking for new playmates. And they talk in unison. That is just weird.

5. Barto

"Jumby wants to be born now."


Movie: The Unborn
The demon child created by Hitler's favorite Doctor. He just wants to be a real boy. Too bad he has to steal the soul of your unborn child and replace it with his own to achieve it.


4. Sam
"Always check your candy."

Movie: trick r treat

Is Sam really a child? Well, kind of. As the child of Halloween he is in charge of making sure you follow the rules. If you don't he might come knock on your door.

3. Alessa/Sharon

"Now is the end of days and I am the reaper!"

Movie: Silent Hill

Not the creepiest kid on the list but she is my favorite. If anybody had loads of pain and suffering coming it was the residents of Silent Hill. As awful as it is to watch I cannot help but cheer for her.

2. Raegan macneil

“What an excellent day for an exorcism.”

Movie: The Exorcist

Does she need any explanations? This child had been scaring us for over 30years. Can you name the scene that disturbed you the most? For me it was the spider crawl down the stairs.

1. Samara Morgan

“Everyone will suffer.”


Samara could burn images into your mind. She caused the horses on her adoptive parents ranch to commit suicide. Her biological mom tried to drown her. Adoptive mom smothered her with a trash bag and threw her down a well. Even in death she torments you for seven days before climbing out of the tv to retrieve you.

-Evil Lyn

Saturday, June 12, 2010

Top 10 fictional places you do not want to call home

10
  • Amity Island, New England
Bad real estate since the water went red 1975
Amity Island is the least of your worries on our list. Why? Because you only have to worry if you plan to go in the water. This is home to the great white shark Jaws. She is not you run of the mill shark. She is bigger, smarter, and more hungry with a particular taste for the Brody family. (and the occasional underwater Sea World attraction. Not your concern.) Notice I said She. If you have ever seen Jaws III you know that it is her baby she is looking for when she attacks. Besides only a female could be that much of a bitch.

Jaws has the ability to resurrect herself. She has somehow been able to return from being shot, burned, electrocuted, and blown up. If you happen to catch her attention or have the last name Brody she just might follow you from Amity to your new tropical location. She might even beat you there. Best to just avoid the whole nasty situation.

9
  • Elm Street, Midwestern Town
Bad real estate since sleeping = a dirt nap 1984
The town is not the problem here. One street is all you have to keep off. Another place that is harder on the underage residents. Get a hobby cause you are going to need something to do all night. Sleeping is not an option. Freddy Kruger of the Ginsu manicure has a hobby. His is finding children in dreams so he can use them as a scratching post. I value my sleep too much to ever be comfortable here.

8
  • Jerusalem's Lot, Maine
Bad real estate since the whole town got long in the tooth 1975
With the current fad toward sparkling vampires, some might disagree with me on this location. Our first of three stops in Maine, Salem's Lot is home to Vampires. And that is it. During the day the streets and buildings are empty while the town sleeps. At night things get more, er lively? If you are a dentist this might be the place for you. Everyone is going to need top of the line dental care if they plan to stick around for the next few centuries. Is a nocturnal lifestyle going to be something you can adapt too? If so, Welcome to Salem's Lot!

7
  • Haddonfield, IL
Bad real estate since Micheal did not get to trick or treat 1978
Teenage girls old enough to babysit are easy pickings in this town. The boyfriends on these girls do not fair well either. Micheal Meyers turns up once a year to slice the population. Any adult who tries to help the kids gets cut down. Micheal is temperamental about his work and prefers to be left alone. If you choose to live here you might consider locking the kids in the basement until they are old enough to leave for college.

6

  • 4267 Roxbury St., Simi Valley, California
Bad real estate since the TV started talking to the kid 1982
Mean ghosties afoot here. If you have children it is a top priority that you avoid this house. It has a history of kidnapping closets, trees that munch on little boys, and creepy clowns under the bed. I wouldn't swim in the pool. The bodies of the people buried under your foundation are floating there. In the past it has taken extreme measures to get everything set to rights. Very short psychics are not found on every corner you know. The house itself no longer exists. It kind of, self imploded into a tiny little spark. The not so rested dead are still there so i would not rebuild.

5
  • Canaima, California
Bad real estate since the shipment arrived 1990
Spiders. I think for most that is all I have to say. For those who need a little more than that i will explain further. Exotic species of high toxic tarantula is shipped from Venezuela to Canaima by accident. Mr. Spider sets up shot and becomes the general of a new breed of spiders. With the perfect disguise, they look like harmless house spiders but have the bite of a certain aforementioned shark. If you are bitten you have about 30 seconds of excruciating pain before you go toe up. Like I said, spiders. Not even on a dare.

4
  • Derry, Maine
bad real estate since IT moved in.
Derry has been home to a lot of bad mojo. The creature called IT that can change his shape to match your fears is responsible for quite a bit. More recently it was the hostile aliens that snaked through your bowels that give Derry a bad name. Those alone would discourage the wary. However many more tragedies can claim a tie to Derry. Below is a list of books that feature Derry.
3
  • Castle Rock, Maine
bad real estate since the first chronological appearance in 1959

Stephen King's favorite town. The one any King fan knows. There are no good stories to tell about Castle Rock. Here is the list of books that take place in Castle Rock or make reference to it.
2
  • Silent Hill
Bad real estate since the town burned in 1986
Self righteous town folk relive the Salem witch burnings. Cowards always pray on those weaker than themselves. This time the victim of a little girl. She didn't die but man is she ticked off. Help arrives from an actual demon, not the personal ones the citizens are plagued with. Alessa and Demon turn the town into the devil's playground. You never know when a nice day is going to turn into a fiery inferno of pain and suffering. Pyramid head with his giant meat cleaver and army of roaches is not a great neighbor. Once you move here you won't be coming back. Ever. This is almost our top pick because you will not even exist on the same plane or reality once you enter Silent Hill.

1

  • LV-426, Space
Bad real estate since the nostromo landed in 1979
Our number one place you don't want to live is not even on earth. It is actually a whole diff rent planet. An entire planet that will kill you. The terrain in inhospitable and the residents are worse. The site of a spaceship crash flown by a creature of unknown origins carrying large eggs with a surprise inside. Years after this it is a terra forming colony. Facehuggers become chestbursters grow into xenomorphs and before you know it the whole place is crawling with Aliens. In the basement of the local nuclear factory is where her royal highness is popping out more Easter eggs. Unless you are a terra former, a family member of a terra former, a colonial marine, Weyland-Yutani personnel, or Ellen Ripley I cannot imagine why you would be here. It sucks without the Aliens.
- Evil Lyn

Friday, June 11, 2010

The Crazies (2010)


3 0ut of 5

Welcome to Ogden Marsh, Iowa! A rural, farming town where everyone knows each other. Just don't drink the water. Sheriff David Dutton, his wife Dr. Dutton, Deputy Clank and teenager Becca must try to elude the military and the crazy townsfolk in an effort to survive. Even though it is a remake I was pleased with the originality. This is not a zombie movie even though is was set up with all the markers for one. I jumped several times. It was tense. I knew something was going to jump out at me. The director plays on this by supplying tons of opportunity. You never know if you are seeing just background or if it is a set up. Maybe not a film you want to own in your collection but it is rentable.

*****SPOILERS From here on out*****

The fun starts at the high school baseball game when Rory, the former town drunk, shows up on the field with a shotgun under his arm. Next, a loving father roasts his wife and son. What could possibly be the cause? Maybe the huge plane in the Ogden Marsh water source? Bingo! Seems the plane crashed with a bio weapon names Trixie. Trixie turns you into an insane murderer before finally killing you with cerebral hemorrhages. The sheriff figures out quick that things are going wrong when all the phones and Internet are down. Enter the military to quarantine Ogden Marsh. They split the population in two groups. Those with a fever get strapped down to a bed and left in the high school to rot. The ones that appear to be healthy are given a chance to take the bus out of town.

Dr Dutton is pregnant. You may not be aware that being pregnant can cause the mother to run a low grade fever. Sheriff Dutton is sent to the buses. He cannot leave his wife so sneaks back into the town to rescue her. One of my favorite lines from the movie is when another husband tries to tell the sheriff to leave town without her.

David Dutton: Don't ask me why I can't leave without my wife and I won't ask you why you can.

Sheriff Dutton meets up with Deputy Clank at the police station and the two head to the High School. Dr. dutton and Becca are saved just before the principal tries to fork them. That will make a lot more sense when you see the movie. All the cars in town are booted. No transportation out of town, except for the one on blocks in the sheriff's barn. Convenient.

We get to see the military reaction to survivors running free. Not favorable. deputy clank is acting a little funny. Becca is coughing. Every one is feeling a little tense. To make matters worse they get to the car and get it running but, it does not last long. A helicopter forces them into a car wash with crazy attendants still on site. Becca "hangs" behind. Oh, bad pun. As the team tries to get becca down and revive her the helicopter swings around and and blows up the car. BTW, Becca is not coming back any time soon. Our deputy really begins to loose his grip. Another great quote is when he finally realizes how far gone he is.

Russell Clank: I'm not right, am I?

Your heart kind of goes out to him in that moment. He turns out to be a true hero when he sacrifices what little time he has left to give the Dutton's a chance to escape. Sheriff and Dr. Dutton make it to the Quick Fill truck stop where all the healthy residents were taken. Remember when I told you that they were bused out? Well they were actually rounded up into cattle cars, shot, and then burned. Yikes. Two people are all that is left of Ogden Marsh.

Time is ticking away and the military is planning to drop a bomb to cleanse the area. Time to find a car and drive like the wind! Of course there would be a few more crazy people between them and freedom. When the bomb drops they barely make it far enough to survive. In truth I think the fall out would be an issue. That baby might be born extra special. The movie ends with the weary Duttons heading into cedar Rapids. A plane overhead logs their coordinates. An order is issued to begin containment protocol. Sequel maybe? Honestly, I hope not.

Trivia!

This film is a remake of the 1973 version.

Cameo: [Lynn Lowry] who costarred in the original version of The Crazies (1973), as an infected local riding a bicycle through the deserted center of town.

If you read the graffiti on the jail cell wall, one appears to say "Romero".


- Evil Lyn